Darryl James

*I’m really sick of hearing about it.

At this stage, if Black women are going to do it, I’d like for them to do it and be quiet about it.

I’m talking about their threats to “jump the fence,” so to speak—to date outside of the race.

In addition to talking about how they “need” to date outside of the race, I’m also sick to hell of hearing the reasons why.

One of those “reasons” is that “most” Black men are beneath the level of “most” Black women.


Well, according to a study in the Post-Gazette, while the median wealth of white single women between the ages of 36-49 is $42,600, the median wealth of Black single women in the same age range is a whopping $5.

What was that about “levels?”

I’m also tired of hearing about the 41% of Black women who are single, when they act like it doesn’t matter that 49% of Black men are single. Hell, let’s run down the numbers for everyone:  51% of Hispanic women, 45% of white women and 41% of Asian women are unmarried.

My point? Dating and marriage in America has become difficult for everyone and the Black women who keep whining and bitching and blaming Black men are only unique in their whining, bitching and blaming. I wish they would shut up.

Today’s dating world is perhaps more difficult than it has ever been.  A plethora of changes in society, particularly our transitory yet insular lifestyles, have made it difficult to find someone to have and to hold.

In the Black community, many dating issues are blamed on interracial dating, despite the low numbers of men and women who actually date and/or marry outside of the race.

For example, while some Black men choose to date outside of the race, their numbers are blown out of proportion. But now, some Black women are “retaliating,” by dating outside of the race, and even going as far as to call it a “revolution.”

One website for Black people promotes excursions to Italy for Black women, with the goal of establishing a competing version of the Black man’s escape to Brazil for sexual escapades with foreign women. The owner has made it her personal goal to encourage Black women to date outside of the race. Yeah, that’ll show us!

To my sisters who think that turning away from Black men to seek out mates in the white world is a revolution, I can only say: “Good luck.”  I hope you find the happiness that every human deserves.  If you are dating outside of the race because that is where you have found the love of your life, then no one should ever say an unkind word about you or what you do in your private life.

But if you are dating outside of the race because you have essential problems with Black men, then I feel sorry for you. And I also want you to shut up. Do it. And leave other Black women alone. Stop trying to get them to do what you are doing—especially if all you are getting is a roll in the sack.

Realize that white men have their own set of difficulties just as any other human beings do.  And, white marriage rates are also declining, which means that you may date, but purposefully dating outside of the race won’t guarantee success with marriage.

The propaganda machine that has people believing that Black men can’t wait to get their hands on white women, now has many Black women duped who can’t wait to open themselves to white men, instead of waiting for the good Black man who they believe is now nearly “extinct.”

People date other humans, and some people are less concerned with race than with the love and compatibility they find.  There is no proof that either Black men or Black women are dating outside of the race in numbers that should concern any of us.

But the public discussions have to be countered.

There is no shortage of Black men. The lies about prison and the down low boogeymen are as overhyped as the Black man’s fabled love for white women.

There are very few Black men running around talking about how much they love white women more than Black women.  Yet, we can tune into radio and television shows, and read books, newspapers and magazine articles with Black women telling the world how much Black men love white women and that they need more Black women to join the “revolution” of dating outside of the race.

I’d like to see more Black women admit to the silliness of dating outside of the race as a “revolution,” before that propaganda goes too far.

There is no “revolution” to be found in Black women dating outside of the race.  If that is your choice, do so, but don’t call it anything except that–a personal choice.

Why not deal with the real issues?

Everyone is having difficulty in dating, so why not stop pretending that it’s only us?

And, before heading for other races, how about we put in a little work with each other first?

I don’t have a problem with anyone dating whatever race they choose.

I do have a problem with Black women claiming that they are being forced to date outside of the race and that it is a revolution.

I believe that many of these women making such proclamations need to believe these things. Otherwise, they would have to focus on the mistakes they may have made or the changes they need to make.

In my personal experience, the women I’ve come across who spew these things are not marriage material. For anyone. Some of these women may be successful, some may be physically attractive, but typically, they are broken inside—selfish, angry, bitter women, who need to paint themselves as victims so that they don’t have to face their own shortcomings or their own bad behavior which contributed to their single station in life.

Without the ignorant propaganda about interracial dating, they would have to do some actual work instead of blaming other people as they jump in and out of relationships.

It’s easier to just jump the fence.

Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology “Notes From The Edge.” View previous installments of this column at www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at [email protected].