Monica Cost

*No, it’s not actually gone. I’m referring to the upcoming bestseller by Dr. Pam Love, “I Want My Vagina Back!” It’s a new movement that will empower women to make more value driven decisions regarding their sexual behavior to minimize regret and negative consequences.

When I first heard the title of this book, I was shocked and excited! I was shocked because someone (Dr. Pam Love) dared to call it like it is and to name it in that manner. I was excited, because I immediately understood how powerful it would be.

There will be many different reactions to the title of this book. When I tell men about it, their first reaction is usually “well then I want my private part (Actual anatomy name used. I didn’t want to overwhelm the readers with private parts) back”. Then the next question is “what the hell is that about?”. Once I explain it, they are actually intrigued, particularly those with daughters. One older man was taken aback and thought that the world was suffering from a lack of discretion. Most women start with a “I know that’s right”. Some are simply amazed that someone decided to finally talk about it. Most say that they do have at least one person that they would get it back from if they had it to do over again and are reflective in the moment.

As much as women share and discuss, I must admit the only hint of this particular subject matter I’ve experienced before now, is discovering a friend omitted a gentleman or two in their “list” of people they’ve been intimate with. This phenomenon was first brought to my intention by a male friend who said “it cracks me up when women act like they didn’t sleep with you; like it just didn’t happen”. Why would they do that? Most likely because they wished it had not happened.

As I watch the number of “musical chair” situations in Hollywood, I can’t help but to think that there must be a few celebrity women who could use this book. It’s not a judgement, simply an observation. I have a door or two I’d like to knock on and ask for it back. However, at this point in my life and single again, I am centered and clear about my decisions. I’m on my terms.

This conversation is important for many reasons. First and foremost, to save lives. If living is something a woman values, then this book is for her. In addition, the high rate of infidelity, the underrepresentation of healthy relationships and the consequences of living outside of ones values are all reasons to pick up this book.

In a forum I attended on “I Want My Vagina Back”, I was moved by the conversation, the support and the call to action. There were women from ages 28 to 80 in attendance. I didn’t quite know what to expect and it is now hard to put into words having experienced it. What I can say is that it was powerful to be present for the awakening and the moving forward of women who may have been stuck in the “devaluation gear”. What the book is not about is, male bashing, victimization, lack of accountability. It is quite the opposite and ultimately about healthier women and relationships.

Mo’Nique delivered a bit in one of her comedy specials where she questions weather or not she was whore. She’d heard that there was a certain number of men that you could sleep with that would deem you to be one. She asked her husband if he thought she was and his answer was “no honey, you’re not a whore, you just have a friendly vagina (expletive used)”. Now we can laugh at Mo’Nique’s joke, and the serious side of this is the question of if a woman who has had multiple partners had it to do over again, would she make the same decisions? And, how will she look to value herself in the future?

Monica Cost is communications strategist, brand manager and respected corporate and motivational speaker. She is the President and Founder of Evidently Assured, a brand & talent management firm.  Email her at:  [email protected]. Follow her via Twitter: @monicacost and