Darryl James

*In my opinion, feminism is beginning to look like unions.

At the opening of the 20th century, unions were necessary to mitigate child labor and abuse in the workplace.

While some of those issues remain in minor cases, unions are still top-heavy, but are really becoming purposeless and toothless.  Much of what the unions raged against is now law.

There were real issues that feminism fought against a long time—discrimination in the workplace, lower pay for equal work to men, sexual harassment and abuse, etc.

However, while some of those issues may remain in minor cases—according to the feminists themselves—there are now laws in place which have allowed women to make unprecedented gains.  Yet, there is still that rage against the machine.

Feminism made great gains in forcing all of us to re-think our views on the genders, yet, after re-making the image of femaleness, feminism failed to bring anything concrete into the milieu, instead creating schisms between men and women, and in some cases, between women who embrace the re-made image of femaleness and women who embrace the original image.

This explains why today’s so-called modern woman presents so many contradictions.

For example, many of today’s so-called evolved “Independent Women” love to crow about not needing men, yet still complain about not finding men to give them what they want and still want men to pay their way.

And the contradictions are not only in politics and social settings, but in behavior.

We see it when women wear skimpy clothing that calls attention to their goodies while demanding that men focus on their “intelligence.” Or when they pass those goodies around indiscriminately and plentifully, while still demanding to be viewed as a lady.

And while many of today’s so-called modern women refuse to listen to men, I’ll still speak directly to you, in hopes that something will sink in, because we know that the advice you give each other is faulty.

You may have the right to be in certain places, but that doesn’t mean it’s smart.  Just because you like sports, why would you want to be the only woman in a crowded place where men are drinking and cursing and then expect them to be less boisterous because you are there?

Honestly, some male domains should remain male domains and that has nothing to do with discrimination, but everything to do with discretion. Men and women are not the same and should have arenas that are exclusive for one or the other.

You don’t want men in the hair salon and you shouldn’t want to be in the private places where men love to congregate. You may feel special being the only woman playing poker with the guys or drinking with the boys, but you won’t feel so special when they look at you as anything but a woman.

You and your girls may think it’s cute and cool to refer to yourselves as “sassy,” and “sarcastic,” but those terms drive home the message that you are a problem, especially when you tell men that you like to “keep people on their toes.” No matter what you tell each other, it is not cool to irritate men or drive them crazy and unless a man works for you, he more than likely doesn’t need “management.”

In all of your Feminatzi-ism, you should still be gracious when a man is a gentleman for you.  Stop complaining about chivalry being dead when we’ve seen too many of you get upset when we hold doors, and/or fail to say “thank you.”

Don’t find the weakest bitch of a man you can who agrees with everything you say and then complain about how weak men are.  If he treats you nicely and makes you feel ladylike, deal with the disagreements like a lady.  It’s easier to get your way by getting a man to fall in love with you as a lady, as opposed to verbally beating him into submission.

Don’t go for the “sensitive” man who encourages you in your victimhood, reinforces you in your delusions of oppression, helps you feel proud of the things that are problematic about you and joins you in bashing his own gender. In other words, don’t date and/or marry your problem.

If you’re a single parent raising children without a father’s presence, raise them based on their gender, instead of telling them that they are the same—they are not. Your daughter is different from your son and they should be taught such lessons.

Stop lying about being able to parent on your own and seek assistance from the men in your family, your church or community organizations.

And if you have a man who makes a great living and the two of you agree that you should be the primary parent at home with the children, ignore the angry, ignorant females who try to tell you that such a life is empty and meaningless. They know that a life without a family is really empty and meaningless.

A New York tracking firm studied 3,000 women between the ages of 18 and 34. More than two out of three of them preferred to stay at home full time rather than stay in the workplace. Cosmopolitan Magazine studied 800 women and got the same result: a strong majority of women want a full-time life at home with a husband and children.

Women, particularly young women, are perhaps the most confused by all the conflicting signals. They certainly have the most to lose until they find their way, so please stop lying to them about how the world should work where male/female relations are concerned.

For most of our history in Africa and in America, women have been the standard bearers of that which is moral and decent and men have protected them to allow those standards to flourish. Women can find men as individuals to protect them and treat them with respect and decency, but they must first present themselves as respectful decent beings that will properly guide children and support the family unit.

The thing is that all of the above can be corrected without raging at men, because, frankly, they have more to do with how a woman acts than how a man acts.

The bottom line is that women can blame men for any number of things and some of that blame will be properly placed at men’s feet. But not everything is the fault of men and women must take their fare share of the weight.

Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology “Notes From The Edge.”  James’ stage play, “Love In A Day,” opens in Los Angeles this Spring. View previous installments of this column at www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com.