the dictator

Dictator General Aladeen aka Sacha Baron Cohen

*The Dictator, aka Admiral General Aladeen, held a press conference recently at the Waldorf Astoria in New York City.

He was promoting his controversial film, “The Dictator,” that asserts Blacks built the United States and the Chinese own it. Awash with stereotypes and offensive remarks, Aladeen’s dictatorship has incurred the ire of many. Dismissing democracy, he says, “Look at this country. Obama always trying do stuff and nothing gets done. Better have one guy doing the wrong thing but at least getting it done.” On the upcoming presidential election, he spews the following:

“I would say Santorum despite his liberal views. But since he is out of the running, I don’t know. In terms of policies I would have to say the republicans if they could only become a little less extreme. I mean there are some real double standards. You know, what people call genocide in my country is called the judicial system in Texas. But in terms of getting into power in America I would have to support the democrats. If they can enable a Kenyan to become president, then why not a Wadiyan? But if it was money that I was giving, I  I give my full support to Mitt Romney. He has the makings of a great dictator. He is incredibly wealthy but pays no taxes. And it’s not much of a leap to go from firing people to firing squads, or from putting pets on the top of a car to putting politicos on the top of them. He taught me how to do that.”

“We have elections in four months in Israel,” announced a Jewish reporter, “would you consider running for president in Israel?” He responded with, “Would I consider…yes. The first thing I would do would be to destroy Israel. I don’t know whether I would get many votes.” The reporter continued with another question to which Aladeen retorted, “You have a second question? You see, this is why people don’t like the Israelis. The f**king chutzpa, you know. He’s not even on the list.”

Asked to comment on his penchant for performers and the one that got away, he says, “Listen, they never get away. They try but without their passports it is difficult. Sure, maybe they hop the wall of my private disco but there is no escape from the desert. Within hours they shrivel up until they look like a mug shot of Lindsay Lohan.” Of Beyonce he boasts, “I have made beautiful love and also sex activity with Beyonce and many of your celebrities, Brittany Spears, Kim Kardashian. She is unbelievably hairy. When I pulled her panties down, I thought I was looking in the mirror.”

There is also Megan Fox, who is reportedly pregnant. “There are rumors that I am the father,” the Dictator allows. “But this is literally impossible. It would be the first ever anal conception. And if she is pregnant then so is Heidi Klum and also Donald Trump. He does anything for money.”

John Galliano, is a favorite of the Dictator. “I love Galliano,” he enthuses. “Say what you want about his avant-garde style and the fashion approach, but the guy does hate Jews.” In fact, when asked what celebrity most identifies with, there was no hesitation. “It has to be Mel Gibson. In fact, recently in Wadiya we made him our public relations expert. Although, he has said some pretty offensive things recently like saying that he would work with Jews. We have made him the head of our museum of intolerance.”

Just in case, for those who don’t have a clue … it should be noted that Aladeen is a character in “The Dictator,” from the fictional Republic of Wadiya in North Africa and is portrayed by Sacha Baron Cohen.

Syndicated columnist Marie Moore reports on film and TV from her New York City base. Contact her at [email protected]