black relationships 1*Saying “I love you” used to be the most romantic and heart-felt gesture that two people could share. But times have changed dramatically.

In the 21st century, the mere thought of living happily ever after with another person is about as unreal as believing in the Easter Bunny. The world has become one massive orgy, corrupted by reality television, the porn industry and other vehicles of promiscuity and hypersexulization. The concept of monogamy has grown irreversibly stale, and the sanctity of marriage is dying rapidly (increasingly high divorce statistics show).

As the dating pool continues to dry, it’s a formidable challenge for any woman looking for love and viable companionship. Additionally, finding a good partner has become a number’s game for single women (minorities particularly). In major cities, the unbalanced ratio of black women to black men has created stumbling blocks for both sexes. Generally, black women have to overcome overwhelming odds and fierce competition when searching for a potential mate. Conversely, black men (not including homosexuals) are faced with a bevy of options to choose from, making commitment a hard sell.

Sisters, these circumstances—along with other variables—have caused many of you to settle for less. Finding your “ideal partner” (the fantasy man) no longer interests you. Instead, you have opted for the 80/20 rule in reverse, choosing low-risk men who posses only 20 percent of what you desire and lacking the other 80. In many cases, these men embody the intangible qualities you seek (honesty, humility, faithfulness, discipline, work-ethic, etc.). However, they don’t offer you the “wow” factor, which often manifests when two people first meet (or during the initial phases of courtship). In a desperate attempt to secure happiness, you have sacrificed personal preference for comfortability and emotional stability. These men don’t meet your natural standards physically, sexually (or spiritually in some instances). There’s no spark, chemistry or passion; and love is learned not felt. That’s a recipe for a life of insidious heartache.

This feeling of desperation causes many of you suffer through loveless, lifeless marriages and partnerships. Ironically, though, choosing the safe bet instead of the real thing often results in unhappiness anyway. Either way, it’s a crap shoot. I wish you luck.

Based in Southern California,  Cory A. Haywood is also a certified personal fitness trainer. Contact him via:[email protected] and/or visit his websites:

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