*Sisters, MEN CHEAT (there’s nothing any of you can do to change that). It doesn’t matter if you’re pretty or ugly, fit or fat, smart or plumb dumb, rich or poor, submissive or plain crazy, a nun in bed or a porn star, it’s likely that your man has already sampled some other woman’s Kool-Aid. Or if he hasn’t cheated, he eventually will.

That’s the rub in heterosexual relationships: at some point, usually after the third year (if it lasts that long), the man involved will stick his “you know what” somewhere it’s got no business.

The Huffington Post Divorce partnered with YouGov to poll 1,000 U.S. adults about their feelings on infidelity. A whopping forty-five percent of people polled admitted to cheating while in a relationship .

Over the years, experts from every part of the world have offered up solutions to prevent men from cheating on their spouses. Ladies, pay these suggestions no never mind and leave the Kama sutra books on the shelf. No amount of preparation, pampering or impromptu offerings of oral sex will keep him from getting his hands dirty. This may seem harsh, but none of you can offer what a life of promiscuity can: options.

In theory, men tend to cheat because of an innate fascination with promiscuity. It’s not that we can’t keep it in our pants; any full-functioning male has the ability to exercise self control. The reason men are unfaithful is because of the various visual and auditory experiences sex with different women provides.

Of course, women share equally in the experience of intercourse. However, the reasons for having sex often differ between women and men, particularly those in relationships. Females enjoy the physical element of intimacy, but places greater value on the connection. That’s why in many cases women become stimulated by pleasing their mate in bed; it’s an indication that both parties, not just one, are sharing in the experience.

On the other hand, men are aroused more by visual and auditory stimulation. Arousal of all the senses—hearing, sight, touch, smell, and taste—creates the ultimate experience for men in bed. That’s primarily why men step out on their women: sex with a variety of partners—each with their own scent and sexual proclivities—provides a constant assortment of pleasure to the five senses.

Additionally, monogamy conflicts with the dominant nature of heterosexual men: lack of personal freedom, i.e. control, causes acts of rebellion (in the form of infidelity) by the average male; it’s the equivalent of breaking free from sexual slavery. In other words, romantic exclusivity requires a level of submissiveness that men aren’t generally capable of reaching (or willing to pursue).

Sisters, this shouldn’t alarm you. Contrary to what many of you may feel, men are indeed capable of commitment. However, fidelity and commitment aren’t always synonymous in the eyes of a man. To the average male, commitment is something that binds two people together and carries them through good times, the bad, and the ugly.

To men, being committed to a woman means providing for her, protecting her, leading her through moments of adversity and despair. Men associate commitment with love, but being committed doesn’t have the same meaning to men as it does to women. To heterosexual men, commitment means satisfying the needs of your partner before those of others; it means waking up in the morning, or leaving home at night, and grinding at work to offer the financial support and stability required by a man from his female partner. Sisters, men associate commitment with paying the bills on time, repairing the sink when it’s broken, changing a flat tire on your car, and coming out of pocket when you ask for spending money (good weaves aren’t cheap).

The consensus among a growing number of black women is to refrain from dating black men, particularly because of the belief that non-black males don’t struggle as often with being unfaithful. Any moron who subscribes to this theory is also likely to believe in Big Foot and that one day Lindsay Lohan will ask for cranberry juice at the bar (alcoholics typically go the other way). Sisters, I don’t mean to burst your Caucasian-loving bubble, but the vast majority of men in America practice double dipping (color makes very little difference in this matter).

So ladies, if you’re concerned that your mate’s “junk” is being parked in another girl’s yard, don’t fret: your suspicions are probably accurate. In response, you have two options: cut the guy loose, or join in on the fun (a threesome aint never hurt nobody).

Based in Southern California,  Cory A. Haywood is also a certified personal fitness trainer. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his websites: and

cory a haywood

Cory A. Haywood