mother-and-son-300x199*Attention!  Sisters, unless you plan on getting busy with your son (in America, that’s called incest) stop treating him like he’s your damn husband or boyfriend. I repeat, stop being a wife to your son, and start being a mother.

In case some of you don’t understand this concept, let me explain further: if your 20- year-old, fully functioning son comes home and expects you to have dinner prepared and his laundry folded, that means you’ve been treating him like your spouse and he’s grown accustomed to it.

That’s a red flag.

Here’s another example: if you’ve had a rough day at work, don’t turn to your son for comfort—that’s not his job. Instead, call that fireman you ran into at the grocery store—he will (at least) pretend to care until you give up the kitty.

Ladies, it’s time for you to cut the cord and to remove your breast from the boy’s mouth (find another man to perform that task). I don’t mean to be harsh, but the older you get, the less appealing you’ll be to the opposite sex. Why are you wasting time clinging to your son, when you’d be much better off making yourselves available to a good man?

This type of behavior is common among black women. Sisters, there are many of you who simply lack faith in committed romantic partnerships. Instead of waiting patiently (or preparing) for the right man to come along, you have decided to take matters into your own hands by creating a suitable mate from scratch—your son. There’s only one problem with this method—it never works! (And it’s just nasty).

If you’re a single mother of a black male, as many black women are, you shoulder the burden of singlehandedly raising a child living in a world designed for him to fail. That’s an incredible undertaking. When he’s born, you vow to be the number one woman in your son’s life. As he grows older, you witness his first steps, hear him speak his first words, teach him how to ride a bike, feed him chicken noodle soup when he gets sick, and you put band-aids on his scrapes and bruises whenever he gets hurt. However, during this 18 year process, many women disregard the importance of self-improvement, personal happiness and, most of all, fulfillment.

Oftentimes, as a single mother, going to the gym takes a backseat to picking up your son from school and making sure his homework gets finished. Spending time with friends becomes seldom because single moms generally devote numerous hours working a job (that isn’t satisfying) so that the bills are paid on time. When potential suitors extend date offers, it’s never an option for a single mom to say yes immediately—there must first be a screening and compatibility test for the little one(s) at home.

Ladies, when your “baby boy” is old enough to leave the nest, it tears you apart inside. Along the way, you sometimes crave a break from motherhood. Still, when he’s ready to leave, your world comes crashing down and your subconscious mind goes plunging into an abyss of despair.  That’s because you don’t have a world without your son—you failed to build a life beyond cooking his meals, cheering at his sporting events and washing his dirty laundry. Now that time is over, and you’re left with nothing but memories and uncertainty for the future.

Ladies, many of you experience childbirth early on in your adult lives and aren’t taught how to balance parenthood and personal growth. Instead, you pour every ounce of yourselves into your child(ren), developing a heightened sense of emotional dependability to him/her/ or them. This becomes exacerbated for single women responsible for one child, particularly when rearing, and co-habiting with, young males.  The relationship dynamic between mother and son often shifts inappropriately as the latter nears adult age. These are some ways that women handcuff their son(s):

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I can’t keep a man—I need my son for emotional support and stability.

Nobody has the formula to a prefect relationship. However, women who put motherhood before their own happiness are more likely to experience failure when trying to secure monogamy. Ladies, there’s nothing wrong with being a constant source of support for your child(ren). But if your dedication interferes with building solid external relationships (ie. commitment with a chosen partner), there’s a strong chance that it will become burdensome and potentially damaging. Don’t put your son on a pedestal that no other man can reach.

My son treats his girlfriend better than he treats me. To hell with him!

My son treats his girlfriend better than he treats me. To hell with him!

Yes, blood will always be thicker than water (unless it’s 2010 and you’re in the Gulf of Mexico). But do not fault your son for showering his girlfriend with attention—that’s unreasonable and childish. Maybe if you stop worrying about who he’s laying the pipe to, you might find someone to knock the cobwebs off your vagina (just sayin’). Unless you have intentions of being intimate with your own son, it’s not your place to dictate what direction he chooses to split his time and affection. If it’s Mother’s Day, your “baby boy” should not be waltzing into your living room with flowers, while the mother of his own children sits home without a gift (or child support) in sight. That’s beyond foolish. Ladies, quit brainwashing your offspring.

It was okay during his preschool days. Your son is grown now, stop being so affectionate                        (it’s inappropriate).

It was okay during his preschool days. Your son is grown now, stop being so affectionate (it’s inappropriate).

Do I really have to explain this one? Nobody likes PDA, even from a mother to her son. Sisters, here’s a word of advice: when introducing your pride and joy to friends and colleagues, keep your hands, lips and everything in between to yourself. Remember, he’s your son, not your boo.

Stay tuned for part two (next week).

Based in Southern California, EURweb editorial associate Cory A. Haywood is also a certified personal fitness trainer. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his websites: www.coryhaywood.webs.com and corythewriter.blogspot.com

cory haywood