rp_steffanie_rivers2011-hand-chin-med-big-150x150.jpg

*Proposal of marriage is a lot like a sales presentation: if you under-promise and over-deliver there’s a better chance of a happy ending.

The trouble is most people are better at selling the dream than they are at making the dream come true. And some people are convinced they have to be in a relationship to be happy.

Sherri Shepherd seems to be one of those people. And that’s problem number one. Despite her professional achievements – co-host of “The View,” the movie roles, the comedy tour, her new diet book and all the money that comes with it – Shepherd said she hasn’t made the best decisions when it comes to her personal life, admitting she “had a lot of abortions” because she “didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with having a child” at that time in her life.

Some men seek out insecure women like Shepherd. That’s problem number two for her. Shepherd’s belief that she needs a man to be happy coupled with her insecurities, notoriety and million dollar income are like the flashing neon sign at Krispy Kremes doughnut shop that reads “Hot and Ready.” Even a woman with no money and all the self-confidence in the world has to be selective about with whom she spends her time.

After Shepherd’s ten-year marriage to her first husband ended in 2011, simple math shows she jumped into her second marriage with Lamar Sally. Now their three-year marriage is about to end in divorce. That’s a sign of problem number three: Not doing your due diligence. Although you never can predict what a person will or won’t do – just like the stock market – past performance is a strong indication of future results. Ask lots of questions. And when it comes to the answers, trust, but verify. Ending one marriage and jumping into another one within a year was not a smart move, especially with her having a young son.

Most women tend to wear their independence like a badge of honor. They make their own money, pay their own bills, change their own flat tire and take out their own trash. When some men see how capable a woman is of taking care of everything they tend to put up their feet and let her continue to do everything.

It seems as if that’s the kind of man Shepherd found in Sally who spent more time during the marriage unemployed than employed. And now he wants custody of the couple’s surrogate child due in July. No doubt he’ll want child support and alimony to match the lifestyle to which he has become accustom.

When it comes to relationships, men are more responsive if they feel needed – not just wanted. As much as they state otherwise, most men prefer to be in a relationship with someone who needs them rather than an independent woman who doesn’t. Why else do they end up turning their attention to a woman who needs more financial assistance than a college student without a scholarship? Obviously they like to feel needed.

At least Shepherd was smart enough to get Sally to sign a prenuptial agreement to protect her million dollar estate. At 47 she has little to no time to start over. And before she starts looking for a new man in her life she should spend more time getting to know her 9-year-old son better and loving herself more.

Steffanie Rivers is a freelance journalist living in the Dallas, Texas metroplex. Email her at [email protected] for questions, comments and speaking inquiries.