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Photo above is a screenshot from the film ‘Family’ written and directed by Faith Trimel

*I recently approached an attractive woman to ask for her phone number and she politely declined. “I have a girlfriend,” she said smiling. “She’s right over there.”

Pointing to another female waiting in the passenger seat of parked sedan, the young woman waved goodbye and quickly galloped to her lady-love. Making matters worse, the couple exchanged a brief, but passionate kiss as if to say, “n*gga, keep walking.”

 Both girls shot me a quick glance as they zoomed out of the parking lot. If not for the loud, screeching sound of the car’s tires, someone nearby probably would’ve heard the faint sound of me whimpering like a child. Once again, I had to watch while a beautiful, black queen skipped into the arms of another woman.

“Those two could make one hell of a sex tape,” I thought to myself. After a few seconds of picturing the image in my head, I suddenly felt a lot better. (Smiley Face).

In my opinion, the are two reasons why black women are experimenting with lesbianism more than ever before. I don’t mean to come across as insensitive or condescending, but in today’s social climate, people tend to make choices based on the ebb and flow of pop culture. When famed lyricist Nicki Minaj expressed an interest in women publicly, it more than likely stirred the curiosity of her female fans, particularly the young, impressionable ones. The same thing goes for other bi-sexual female performers like Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, whose 2008 smash hit, “I kissed a Girl,” contains explicit lyrics about her first intimate encounter with another woman. With encouragement from their idols, thousands of young girls across the country are giving lesbianism a try.

As far as black women are concerned, the force driving many of them to consider dating someone of the same sex is much deeper than peer pressure or pop culture. In my opinion, black women choose lesbianism when they’ve had enough of fooling with “trifling” black men. It’s an act frustration, and more importantly, it’s a sign of desperation.

Sisters, you don’t have to tell me your sob stories about how black men have wronged you in the past. Trust me, I know. But this isn’t a reason for you to jump ship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are plenty of black women who are genuinely attracted to other females. I don’t want this article to be misinterpreted as hate speech toward the LGBT community. In fact, I believe that same-sex attraction is a perfectly natural human instinct.

However, there are too many black women past the age of 25 who “suddenly” develop a taste for peach cobbler instead of the almighty sausage. I recently spoke to a close friend, and she told me that black women have grown sick and tired of waiting for black men to step up as husbands and fathers. “And since we generally aren’t attracted to other races,” she said, “the next best thing is to date ourselves.”

“Who knows a black woman better than other black women,” she continued. “We turn to one another for support, comfort and affection. After a while, the closeness that we feel evolves into something more. The concept of monogamy between black men and black women has become a fantasy to me. I’ve had too many let downs. Why would I waste my time chasing a dream when I can have my needs met by someone who feels what I feel?”

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As my friend explained the psychology behind her switch to lesbianism, a thought came to me that perhaps black women are dating each other out of necessity rather than natural physical attraction. It’s no secret that black men and black women are getting divorced more now than ever before (70 percent). I, for years, have doubted the feasibility of black heterosexual relationships, largely because of the carnage I’ve witnessed between married couples in my own family.

This issue, experts contend, dates back to the days of slavery when black women were forced to survive and raise children on their own, without the assistance of a male companion. In turn, black male slaves were forced to procreate with other female slaves to give their owners more livestock. These behavior patterns have been passed on from one generation to the next, experts say. So there you have it folks: black men are hardwired to fornicate with anything that moves, and black women are programmed for survival. These factors have contributed, at least in small part, to the disintegration of the black family structure.

I can’t speak for all black women, but the ones I’ve spoken to have all lamented their experiences with black men. The feedback I’ve gotten thus far has been so negative, that I’m starting to wonder if there’s hope for traditional black romance.

“Black men aren’t good fathers,” one woman told me. “They’ll screw anything with legs,” said another. “I’ve given half of my life to black men and all I’ve been left with are stretch marks and past due child support payments,” said the other.

I asked each of these young ladies a follow up question: “Would you consider dating another woman?”

Surprisingly, more than a third of them gave me a resounding, one-word answer: “Y-E-S!”

Portrait of two young women

According to Sharon J. Lettman-Hicks (The Huffington Post), “approximately 3.7 percent of all African Americans identify as LGBT, with 84,000 African Americans living in same-sex couples and roughly a third of those couples raising children. Black individuals who identify as LGBT are disproportionately young and disproportionately female: 58 percent of Black LGBT people are women.”

I had to do some fact checking after reading Letterman-Hick’s article. Until that point, I was under the impression that there were far fewer female homosexuals than male in the black community. During my research, I discovered that black women typically experiment with lesbianism after they have endured the emotional trauma that often results from dating lousy male partners. Conversely, gay black men generally embrace their sexuality much earlier than females do. The next step of my investigation involved several interviews with black lesbians, particularly those whose partners have masculine qualities. They all admitted to once being attracted to men, but their reasons for switching were all the same: infidelity, physical and verbal abuse, financial instability, etc.

Recently, I’ve noticed a growth in relationships between equally “feminine” women, indicating what could potentially be a mass exodus from the norm as it relates to monogamy in the black community.

Personally, I have mixed feelings about the “benefits” of lesbianism for black women. On one hand, this group shares a lot in common that would make them ideal partners for each other, including their mutual distaste for irresponsible black men. Then again, I’m one of those people who believe that God’s original human creations were “Adam” and “Eve” not “Eve” and “Eva.” You know what they say: playing with nature is a dangerous game.

cory haywood

The Black Hat is written by  Southern California based  Cory A. Haywood, a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his blogs: and, or send him a message on Twitter: @coryahaywood