*”No Love, No Charity: The Success of the 19th Child” is an autobiographical account of Paul Lamar Hunter, growing up as the 19th child out of 21, in an extremely dysfunctional home.
Despite a troubled life, filled with misfortunes and failures, Hunter manages to break through all of the hurdles, turn his life around and become the first in his family to attend college.
“No Love, No Charity” is a powerful story of perseverance, forgiveness, letting go, and never giving up on your dreams.
Born into adversity, Hunter paints a picture of his mom being a cold, dysfunctional and heartless woman, obsessed with her homeless shelter as opposed to raising the twenty-one children she birthed. She was a business owner, first, and a member of the clergy, and she was well known in her community and around the country. Most people thought his family had it all together, but behind all those smiles at numerous photo shoots was a very different story.
Hunter says, “We were physically, mentally, and morally (beaten up with the Bible) abused and neglected. Once some of my siblings had the chance, they started smoking, getting high on drugs, and going out to party because they had never experienced that.” Hunter goes on to say that, some of his sisters were just like his mom, having children at early ages out of wedlock. “By that time, all the dysfunctions were deeply imbedded. We were set up to fail by a life of forced restrictions and being made to feel as though we were different from everyone else.”
Moreover, the headlines said one thing but behind closed doors, the Hunter siblings were often distraught and not a happy family. In fact, Hunter says he cannot remember the last time any of them were truly happy. Behind the bright shining lights, were years of neglect, mental abuse and cruelty from the woman that outsiders called, “Mother Hunter”. What is hard to comprehend about the whole situation is that his mother was out to save the world and help others but was cold and cruel to her own children, and she would not allow her own kids to call her mom according to Hunter.
“Me and my siblings never were able to call her ‘mother’. We called her “E”. To this day, I’m 45-years-old and my mom would get upset if I call her mom. My mom is 83-years-old,” Hunter says. “That sweet, loving, benevolent mother that the world saw never came home to us.”
His mother would tell a different story in her book, “Love and Charity”. Hunter named his book, “No Love, No Charity.”
Hunter says, “Oddly, as much as my mother wanted to be successful and known, she never wanted to see any of her children become successful and known. We were never encouraged. We never felt loved and appreciated. Despite the emotionally toxic environment, in which I was raised, I have survived and I have confidence in my future success. She did not have a relationship with any one of us. It’s an out of sight, out of mind relationship. I love my mom and my dad. I love them. My parents weren’t perfect. My parents were a product of their environment.”
He added, “My mom didn’t want any of her kids to be successful or to succeed in life. She did not push education. She put down her children spiritually, mentally, and physically. I took it, as something is wrong here. I saw others growing up and being positive with their children. When you are the Commander-in-Chief of the family, it is your responsibility to build them up instead or tearing them down.” Hunter says his father was very different; he was a loving man.
While his mom’s words tore, some of his siblings down, Hunter says her words motivated him. He says he turned her negative words into positive words and whenever his mom said something negative to him, he always turned it into something positive.
Not sure why his mom would have so many children if she were going to be cold and neglectful, Hunter says his oldest siblings remember their mom always being that way. He also says his uncle says his mom has always been that way. He recalls his mom seeing relatives murdered and raped in Mississippi and feels this may have contributed to her lack of love for her own children. “I think that my mom had experienced a horrific life growing up in the 30s, 40s and 50s and it affected her parenting skills.”
He added, “It’s a strange, strange relationship. Here you have 21 babies coming out of your womb and you don’t have a loving relationship.”
Hunter says, “The Lord wanted her to have these children. It’s very challenging and difficult to understand why God would want my mother to have twenty-one children because she wasn’t affectionate, loving, or caring toward her children. But I do not question God, but I do question my mom and father.”
Determined not to be held down by his dysfunctional childhood or his own life issues, Hunter enrolled in college and was determined to become successful. After numerous trials and tribulations, Hunter would go on to graduate from college.
Purchase Paul Lamar Hunter’s book at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, or www.calllamarhunter.com.
EURweb associate journalist Angela P. Moore is based in the Atlanta area. A passionate writer-and-photographer-at-heart, she freelances for local and national magazines. She pens articles on celebrity profiles, art & music, business, travel, entertainment, health, self-help, and consumer-related issues. She is also the founder and owner of APM Public Relations. In the realization of her life-long passion for writing, Angela will release her debut book winter 2016. She can be reached via [email protected].