*Have you ever watched two angry rams collide?
They instinctively lower their heads and charge one another at full speed without regard for safety.
In relationships, black men and women often bump heads with the fierceness of wild rams.
When these altercations occur, there’s no stopping either person from saying or doing things to stir more conflict.
I’ve lost count of how many times my ears were subjected to the howling of a black couple trading verbal shots at one another in public.
It usually starts when the woman feels slighted or disrespected. If she’s ghetto then bystanders may hear her shout colloquialisms like: “trifling nigga,” “broke nigga,” “fuck boy,” “shrimp dick bastard,” “punk bitch,” or something else that ends with “nigga.”
As a youngster, I would often hear my grandmother call my grandfather a “crusty, dusty, rusty, musty, no good, ignorant, two-timing, ugly, black bastard.”
That’s right – she’s a verbal assassin.
In these situations, especially when there’s an audience, a man’s ego won’t allow him to walk away feeling defeated.
If he’s a hood nigga, then you can be sure that he’ll respond to a woman’s insults by hurling a few of his own in her direction without regard to how the relationship will be affected.
Consequently, there are hardly ever moments of compromise or understanding because both parties are normally too bullheaded to find common ground.
So what am I really saying?
Well, it’s simple – most black relationships are inherently doomed to end in utter disaster because they typically lack patience and maturity.
Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. It’s not a matter of one individual deserving more blame than the other.
But after discussing breakups with people of color, I’ve noticed it’s always the “nigga shit” that ruins black relationships.
“Nigga Shit” is a phrase that encompasses all the petty antics black couples regularly display in private and in front of others.
Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married?” delivers the best example of a dysfunctional Black relationship (ie. Nigga shit).
In the film, a group of couples get together to enjoy a snowy getaway.
But all the while, Marcus and Angela (played by Michael Jai White and Tasha Smith) trade unnecessarily harsh insults like they’re fierce enemies instead of lovers.
Repeatedly Tasha pokes fun at Marcus’ financial woes and lack of gainful employment, shaming him in front of their peers.
The drama heightens when it’s revealed that Marcus and Tasha’s extramarital affairs have inflicted them both with an STD.
Although the characters are fictional, their problems mirror those of black couples nationwide.
It’s not uncommon for a black woman to verbally eviscerate her partner’s confidence and steamroll his manhood.
Conversely, it’s standard procedure for black men to step out on their spouses. Adultery and verbal abuse are staples in typical black relationships, among other problems.
Before I go further, I wanna say that I’m a strong advocate of black love and togetherness.
This isn’t an attempt to discredit ALL black relationships. I’ve seen plenty of positive examples.
More importantly, regardless of race, when two sensible adults decide to share a life together, there should be no obstacle too great for them to overcome.
With that said, I must keep it real about the current status of black relationships on a grand scale.
In a word, they’re failing – bogged down by the weight of social pressure, foolish conduct and hyped expectations. These factors have contributed to the rapid dismantling of black romance.
One of the most important social changes unfolding in the United States over the past half century has been the decline of the institution of marriage – a decline especially steep among blacks.
In 1960, roughly 74 percent of whites were married, and the rate dropped to 56 percent in 2015.
That is a big drop, but not compared to the plummeting marriage rate for blacks. In 1960, 61 percent of blacks were married in 1960, but by 2015 it was only 32 percent.
Blacks also get divorced more often and remarry less frequently than whites. It appears the rift between black men and women has reached alarming proportions.
Once again I want to emphasize this isn’t a swipe at the black community as a whole.
In fact, recent studies show marriage has become less appealing to young adults from all racial and economic backgrounds.
This explains why the divorce rate in America has skyrocketed over the years, and it provides a basis for why many young adults are choosing to avoid relationships altogether.
Because the decline of marriage has been so sharp among blacks, this group has received close scrutiny. Some analysts argue that black women, in particular, place little value on marriage. But much evidence contradicts this argument and suggests, instead, that social deprivations make it hard for black women to find suitable partners.
After taking some time to observe black couples interact, I’ve come up with a few critiques of my own:
Black Women Secretly Hate Black Men
After decades of mistreatment, can you blame them?
Black Men Openly Disrespect Black Women
Over the years, hip hop culture has programmed black males to be suspicious of their female counterparts’ selfish ways. This concept is emphasized in rap lyrics like “bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks.”
Black men don’t view black women as suitable life partners. The former group often complains about how they’re emasculated and underestimated by the latter group.
Black Women Have Been Corrupted By Modern Feminism
You’ve probably heard this before: Black women aren’t looking for a man to follow, they’re searching for a man to control. Traditional gender roles have been destroyed by the rise of feminism, and black women are leading the charge. They view themselves as independent and more resourceful than their mothers and grandmothers.
Black Men Have Lost Touch With Their Masculinity
Need proof? Watch “Love and Hip Hop.”
Black Women Don’t Know When To Shut Up
That’s right I said it. Black women are incapable of sincere apologies and compromise. They’d rather crush their partners with harsh criticisms and foul language. Silence is not an option.
Black Men are Reluctant to Express Their Feelings
Black males generally aren’t reared in environments where they’re encouraged to be expressive. They’re often told by the women in their lives that showing too much emotion is “feminine” or “soft.” In relationships, black men are reluctant to be vulnerable in fear of being taken advantage of (or called a wuss) by their spouse. They typically use sex to express how they feel. Very unhealthy.
Black Women Impose Unrealistic Standards on Their Partners, But Rarely Practice What They Preach
Too many black women are waiting for a prince but they look and live like a frog.
Black Men Use Black Women As Objects of Sexual Satisfaction and Procreation
It’s a vicious cycle – but for dozens of years, black men have objectified black women in a plethora of ways. Also, the idea of building a stable family holds less importance to black men than other racial groups. They’re more concerned with spreading their seed and preserving a legacy through their offspring. Marriage comes in a distant second.
Black Women Pattern Their Behavior After Their Favorite Personalities on Social Media and Reality TV
It’s true. The average black woman would rather have the life of basketball wife, not Michelle Obama.
Black Men and Black Women Lack Effective Communication Skills
Do I really have to explain this one?
Black Men and Black Women Suffer From Repressed Anger and Depression
Black Men and Black Women Don’t Possess Enough Strength to Combat Racism and Do The Work it Takes to Maintain a Loving Relationship
The Black Hat is written by Southern California based Cory A. Haywood, a freelance writer and expert on Negro foolishness. Contact him via: [email protected] and/or visit his blog: www.enterthehat.com, or send him a message on Twitter: @coryahaywood